Lap Too Small

My lap is too small for him now.

No more "one more push!" flying high in the swing.

No more "five more minutes!" playing in the dirt.

Now it's "do I have to?" mowing the lawn

or "five more minutes!" on a video game.

No more squatty chubby toddler legs running everywhere.

No more little hand clutching mine everywhere.

Now it's long slender legs who stomp upstairs

or long fingers who haven't clutched mine in a long time.

black pho-leather that always sent a chill when my thighs hit it

wrapped in blankets, remote near by

clutching my new baby who refused to sleep

watching stupid show on repeat as my legs orchestrated a rhythm 

forward backward like a clock

don't break the pattern or else the baby will cry

sitting in the same position so long that my knees would ache

imagine a 28 year old with aching knees.

Now, the chair can't hold two of us

it's too slender

the dirt holds no appeal

because it's not electronic

the swing can't hold the weight

because of how it's designed

and

 my lap is too small

to cradle him like I did.